The video is suitable for strong intermediate students.
1 Tonya is going to show us both right and wrong ways to do things.
2 We usually look at a person's feet first during our talk.
3 A figure four takes less space in the average sitting space.
4 If a man has his hands in his pockets he's telling a woman how sexual he is.
5 Men are better at picking up body language than women.
6 Men find it more difficult to understand the space zones in communication.
7 The person whose hand is on top is less powerful in a relationship.
8 Every single thing we do or wear is a statement about us.
Hi there, I’m Tonya Reinan. I’m the author of The Power of Body Language. We’re here on the streets of Manhattan because what I’m going to do is I’m going to pick out some people and show you the right way to do things, and perhaps some of the wrong ways to do things. One of the most interesting facets of body language is just what you can read from one single body part. So what am I meaning by that?
When you are talking to someone one of the first things you want to do is look at their feet. So if I’m talking to you straight on yeah, my feet are pointing this way… you need to recognise that I’m on my way out. I’m not interested in what you have to say. I’m looking to move. So, one of the things you always want to remember is the feet point where the body wants to go.
So this is a power position. What that woman is demonstrating is she that feels good about herself. She is in what is known as a figure four, which is a position that takes more space in the average sitting space. Her arms are pulled back saying … ‘I don’t feel vulnerable. I’m powerful.’
One of the things that is interesting about men is that they are always telling you, unconsciously, how sexual they are. So, if you are walking towards a man and he has his hands in his pocket, you know what he is doing, he is trying to point out his best assets.
So, as you see this people walking through the streets, look at what their hands are doing. Are their hands pointing to their most significant areas? Because if they are, they are sending you a very strong message.
You know, it’s funny I get asked all the time, why is it that I have to work so much harder to get a man’s attention than they do to get my attention? Well, the truth is that women are much better in picking up body language clues than men are. For example, if I’m trying to flirt with a man I need to make eye contact with him three times to let him know that I’m really interested in him. So, one of the things that you can do as a woman is you can make eye contact, look down, look, look back up, look down again and finally that third time of making eye contact with that man he is going to get the hints. If you don’t do that way, ladies, they are never going to get the hints.
How often are people surprised when I tell them, usually they are shocked, usually people have no idea how they come across. And the interesting thing is once you point out to them a single clue to them, they certainly go ‘oh my goodness’ as if they had their ‘aha’ moment. And their ‘aha’ moment can change them forever.
So what you are watching is the intimate space zone ends. What do I mean by that? You’ve just witnessed a woman and a man having a conversation. The woman isn’t really that comfortable with the gentleman but he doesn’t recognize it. He takes a step forward. And what does she do? She takes a step back. He’s so ignorant, he doesn’t get it. He takes another step forward. Finally she takes another step back. And you could see that these two will never be in rapport because he doesn’t understand the space difference.
So what you’re seeing here is a couple holding hands. What is interesting about this is who is the more the more powerful of the two? Whose hand was on top? It was the man’s hand. And if you watch people who hold hands, you’ll notice typically the man just holds his hand on the top. And that’s his way of demonstrating that he is the powerful one in the relationship.
You know, what you need to realize is that every single thing says something about you, the way you hold your posture, the way you wear your make-up, the way you wear your hair. Do you have tattoos everywhere? Where are your piercings? Are your shoes nice and polished? Is your briefcase in good shape? Is your suit ironed? Do you look good? Every single thing about you makes a statement. What you want make sure is it’s making the statement that you are happy with.
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