The interminable build-up
It used to be December before the distant sound of sleigh bells and ringing tills (0) ___ your ears. Classy families even waited to put up their trees until Christmas Eve. Now the festive season starts directly after Halloween. (1) ___ it’s actually Christmas, I’m bored of Christmas.
Mulled wine
Ever (2) ___ a nice glass of red wine and thought: “This would be much better if it was hot and full of woody shrapnel?” Me neither.
Christmas jumpers
Five years ago, novelty knitwear became a “thing”. Primark started selling monstrosities with snowflakes, reindeers and unfunny slogans on them. People now believe Christmas jumpers are soooo ironically kitsch. They’re not. They’re itchy and make you (3) ___ a child.
Christmas cards
The keeping-in-touch element (4) ___ by social media now, leaving Christmas cards as just a pain in the posterior. And you, of course, will offend someone by leaving them out.
Coffee chains loving Christmas
Red cups? Pumpkin spice lattes? Christmas sandwiches and “Crimble Crumble”? Just (5) ___ my coffee and misspell my name like usual.
Travel hell
Ah, the one time of year when you need to get around: going shopping, attending parties, getting to your family, getting away from them again. So obviously, railways are closed, flights are (6) ___ , roads are jammed and it’s impossible to (7) ___ a cab.
Work lunches
If you’re on one, they’re a torture chamber of forced jollity. If you’re not on one, you can’t enter a pub or restaurant without seeing a long tableful of depressed-looking people in paper hats pretending to like (8) ___ . And you can’t get to the bar because it’s two-deep with amateur once-a-year drinkers who don’t know how to order properly.
Christmas trees on social media
Everybody shares. Nobody (9) ___. I hate to sound tree-ist, but they all look the same.
Secret Santa
Why bother giving a hastily-wrapped gift to a colleague you barely know? Then forcing out a hollow laugh, pretending to like (10) ___ they bought you? Get everyone to chip into a drinks kitty instead. Boozy Santa beats Secret Santa every time.
Feeling like death for a month with so much drinking and eating
Hangovers give you a cold. Work stress (11) ___ your tiredness. The weather worsens your manflu. By Christmas Eve, you’re in danger of total physical collapse.
Finding the end of the sellotape
I’ve calculated how long you’ll spend doing this during your lifetime. I’ll (12) ___ you the answer just as soon as I’ve found the end of this Sellotape. Damn, I thought I had it then. It must’ve been the light or a hair.
Parcel delivery
“We rang the doorbell but you were out”. No, I was in. You just didn’t ring the doorbell. “We’ve left it in a safe place”. Where it’ll get wet/muddy/nicked. “Please book a redelivery.”
0 Example:
A. arrived
B. got
C. reached
1
A. By the time
B. For when
C. After
2
A. blown
B. sipped
C. sucked
3
A. look as
B. look like
C. to feel as
4
A. has been replaced
B. has changed
C. has replaced
5
A. cook
B. do
C. make
6
A. broken
B. grounded
C. stopped
7
A. call
B. hail
C. stop
8
A. each other
B. them
C. themselves
9
A. cares
B. matters
C. minds
10
A. that
B. the thing
C. what
11
A. adds to
B. brings
C. gives
12
A. inform
B. say
C. tell
KEY:
1A 2B 3B 4A 5C 6B 7B 8A 9A 10C 11A 12C
